http://www.cbulock.com/cat/personal.html Cameron and anything related to me. http://www.cbulock.com/cameron.jpg http://www.cbulock.com/cat/personal.html 87 95 Copyright 2003-2008 en-us cbulock@cbulock.com 2008-07-06T01:11:51-05:00 hourly 1 2000-01-01T12:00+00:00 http://www.cbulock.com/2008/07/untitled.html Today has been one of the most rough days for me in a while. Things for me are starting to look pretty grim. People keep telling me, "Don't worry, things will get better." I keep waiting for that, but I don't really see it happening. Things actually just keep getting worse. And on top of that, the people that I care about keep abandoning me when I need them the most. I'm starting to think I will just give up on my current friends as they seem like they don't really care and that's really causing me more pain than anything else. I 587@http://www.cbulock.com/ 2008-07-06T01:11:51-05:00 http://www.cbulock.com/2008/07/jury_duty_update.html After having to deal with rescheduling my jury duty, it turns out that I will never even have to step into court. Each day I've called in and they have never needed jurors. Today when I called, they said they didn't need jurors tomorrow and confirmed that the court would be closed Friday and my jury service is complete. So, that's cool I never have to go in, though at the same time I was kind of interested in being part of the justice process. 586@http://www.cbulock.com/ 2008-07-02T17:12:13-05:00 http://www.cbulock.com/2008/06/life_progress.html So, yesterday I had my worst anxiety break down ever. I was to the point to where I could no longer function. I finally went and seen a doctor. This was a very smart move. We really needed someone to talk with, and I was actually at a point where I don't think my friends would suffice. The doctor and I talked for a long while actually and he suggested some things I should do to try and help with the anxiety attacks. He also gave me some medication which worked wonders. I think it was one of the happiest times of my life. Seriously. When I have these attacks, I have tried everything to stop them. Nothing ever works. Ever. Until now. Hopefully I will get this under control. Maybe see a counselor at some point, who knows. That would depend on if my insurance covers that, which I'm going to guess not. 580@http://www.cbulock.com/ 2008-06-08T14:26:43-05:00 http://www.cbulock.com/2008/05/jury_duty.html So, today has not gone off to a good start. I received a jury summons in the mail. I open it up, and of course it says I need to appear June 16th. I plan to be up north from June 14th through the 19th. So, I now had to contact the jury clerk and request a postponement. Hopefully that goes through, but I'm sure I won't hear back on that until Monday. Then, I went to Quality Dairy to get some Monster as they have the 2 for $3 sale right now. The Holt store didn't have any Monster M-80. This anti-M-80 thing is really bugging me. Are there people really buying Monster Mixxed? So, I had to go to a second QD just to get a Monster. Thankfully, work has been going well today. 579@http://www.cbulock.com/ 2008-05-24T15:11:21-05:00 http://www.cbulock.com/2008/05/mackinac_island_trip_planned.html Yesterday I finally got hotel reservations setup for my trip to Mackinac Island this summer. I haven't taken any vacations anywhere in years and decided I should finally get around to doing that. I remember Mackinac Island being a fun place to go when I was younger, so I thought it would be a great place to take the kids. Got a nice room with lake-front view setup at the Clarion Hotel in Mackinaw City. Also purchased a package with ferry rides to the island, entrance to an indoor waterpark near the hotel, carriage tour on the island, and a ton of other stuff. Also plan to go across the bridge at some point, not sure what we'll do on the other side, but we will figure that out when we get there. 578@http://www.cbulock.com/ 2008-05-05T09:48:58-05:00 http://www.cbulock.com/2008/05/doctor_visit.html So, on Thursday, I finally went to see a doctor. But, this actually has nothing at all to do with my previous posts about seeing a doctor. I went to see a chiropractor. All week, my back had been killing me, and it was getting worse and worse. I wasn't sleeping well as I was waking up every 30-40 minutes in pain. I wasn't able to work very well as I couldn't sit or stand still for long periods of time and was just generally exhausted. It also sucked as I hadn't been on the computer much lately as I didn't even feel comfortable sitting at home in front of the computer for more than short periods of time. Thankfully, Kim is an awesome friend and realizes that I was going to put off seeing the doctor as long as possible, so she just found a doctor and scheduled me an appointment. 577@http://www.cbulock.com/ 2008-05-03T22:32:10-05:00 http://www.cbulock.com/2008/04/doctors_trip_upcoming.html So, I have finally decided to go see a doctor. This is kinda major, as I have a distrust for doctors and the medical profession in general. A couple days ago, I had some more issues with depression, and this was worse than I have ever experienced. I realize at this point that I can no longer control this myself and I may need some counseling or drugs, or both. Additionally, sorry to anyone that I have been an ass to in the last couple of days. 576@http://www.cbulock.com/ 2008-04-21T12:04:14-05:00 http://www.cbulock.com/2008/04/the_april_post.html I've begun to realize that my mind is really mostly in control of itself and just kind of does it's own thing. I am now to the point where I have mostly gotten away from depression (I am worlds better than I was a year ago), but it still pops up from time to time. And the odd thing is, it's often when I should otherwise be in a really good mood. Today was somewhat not a good example of this. I was really depressed pretty much all day long, and there was certainly a trigger that caused it to happen. Basically, I was left a message on my phone that was very misleading and it panicked me. I later found out what the message was really about and I should have been able to move on with my day no worries, but I wasn't able to. All day long my mind was wondering and I really couldn't focus on anything. I really don't think I got much done, and I feel bad for my co-workers if that is the case. What bothers me the most though is that I could not snap myself out of this. No matter what I told myself to try and make things better, it just didn't matter. Consciously, I knew I was fine, but subconsciously, I was a mess. 574@http://www.cbulock.com/ 2008-04-08T23:19:01-05:00 http://www.cbulock.com/2008/03/feeling_great.html About five years ago, I had a slight tear in my rotator cuff. This should have told me long ago that I was really out of shape. I didn't realize what had happened at the time, I thought I just pulled a muscle. The pain never really went away though, so, after about a month I decided to see a doctor. If you know me well, you will know I can't stand to see doctors, so this was a big step. The doctor then told me that I had simply pulled a muscle and prescribed some pain medication. The pain wasn't really the main issue, I was just concerned that I wasn't getting better. This visit basically helped to once again solidify my feelings that most doctors are quite incompetent. Months went by and the pain did tone down a bit, but I never fully felt better. 571@http://www.cbulock.com/ 2008-03-03T15:43:50-05:00 http://www.cbulock.com/2008/02/weekend_update.html I finally ordered all the parts I need to repair my computer. I got a nice deal on a Antec 650W power supply at CompUSA's going out of business sale. I also got a new case that Brian had suggested, a motherboard and a new hard drive. The hard drive wasn't really NEEDED, but it will be nice to have. My dead Seagate is covered under warranty, but I want to try and recover the data off of that drive on to a new one. Then I can ship the damaged drive back for replacement. If I go ahead a stick all my SATA drives into this new box, I will have a total of 2TB of storage. I'll probably actually do this as the motherboard has eight SATA connectors and the case has five drive bays. Since I have two 160GB drives that are currently in RAID0 setup, I think I will convert them to a RAID1 so I have some reliable storage space. 569@http://www.cbulock.com/ 2008-02-17T23:05:24-05:00